What I want

"Karna hai... kya mujhko... ye maine... kab hai jana..."

I was watching Lakshya at Metropolitan Mall, Gurgaon. It was then that I realized that I too was confused about what I actually wanted to be. I realized that I shared similar characteristics as Hritik in that role had. (I didn’t have any girl though)

Well it all started way back when I was a kid. ( My inception in the world of careers was a little delayed then what was shown in 3 idiots, where mere a minute after the birth the chances of consulting a career counselor were forfeited) As every little kid possesses the dream to become an astronaut, I was no different. I dreamed to be on moon, as I knew of none other celestial body back then. I used to look at the dark sky and used to wander in my dreamy thoughts which eventually used to continue as dreams. At similar timeline my parents were happy to notice my calculating ability, as I remember and they remind me, that I used to multiply two numbers even before I joined the school.

The next phase came when I was about seven years old. We were in Kashmir that time. I had for the first time seen army people in my life. I was fascinated to see people carrying big guns, carrying different kind of gadgets and filled with the feeling of patriotism to which I was recently introduced then. I used to dream about (I have already confessed in my previous post about my ill-habit of day dreaming) how I single handedly tackled complete Pakistani army. The movie border did further more to boost my enthusiasm to join the Indian Defense Services.

When I was in 6th or 7th, I was introduced to Michael Jackson. (Obviously I had already known him, but had seen him so closely only then). I admired his dancing style as well as the way he used to sing. It was then I had decided I would definitely try my hands (, legs and whatever it takes) at dancing. The songs of backstreet boys used to hover in my mind 24x7 reminding me of yet another career option: Singing. Though I soon realized it was a bad idea given the fact that even I can’t bear my singings.

A year later I joined the cricket coaching classes, (and was even selected for City’s U-14 team for a while) to fulfill the dream which every Indian has dreamed of at least once. That is to represent India in cricket.
I used to dream about how I single handedly tackled complete Pakistan cricket team. Be it bowling, batting, fielding or any other possible department, I was best in all. I had even planned my first interview.  Hence you can say the extent or level of day dreaming had gained a decent standard by now.

The big turn-around crept in when I was in 9th I guess. I had got a new camera some time back then, so Photography was the prime career option then. I used to watch discovery channel for hours wondering how people managed to take close ups of wild animals. It was a big turn-around as this was the time my parents reminded me that I have to do something that involves a study. As they wouldn’t have allowed me to risk my career for any crap. So now was the big task. I had to decide my sub-stream; I was confused which way I actually wished to go. I decided to be with the flow and decide instantaneously at the right moment trusting on my instincts.

Passing class 10th was not at all an easy task. I don’t mean “passing exams”. I mean to say, I was flooded with more ideas of what I could be. By now I had become a movie freak, and hence I hoped that may be some day I would try my hand at bollywood. Yeah! I had to learn acting, dancing and blah blah blah , all that is required, but who cares. All you think is what you are interested in.  Meanwhile I had also assumed that I could drive my car better than any of my fellow buddies or may be anyone down the road. I hardly remember anyone overtaking me, provided I was alone in the car. So Formula 1 racer wasn’t a bad option after all. But my 3rd accident shattered my dreams to participate at Formula 1.( 1st one was when I was in 6th, a funny story indeed, will tell you when we have some spare time) It rather left me vehicle-less for about half an year. This was indeed the moment I had developed some liking for literature. I read some novels, then read more, then initiated what might have been another option that is writing a book. Though I haven’t yet completed even 10 pages but still I was definitely on the path.

Now I had to continue my schooling that is class 11. The big question: Mathematics or Biology. It took a long time for me to decide. I wanted to do engineering (If you take mathematics, seriously that’s the only option left) from IIT or I would rather think of some other stream afresh. While my mum wanted to finally see a doctor in the family of engineers. (She had failed to convince my sis too) So finally it was decided if I get admission in some good coaching institute, I would take math. Plus I had given entrance exam of only one coaching institute. (Well I’m like that only; this year too, I appeared only in JEE.) Rest is history.

Well don’t think the course ahead was a smooth one. I’m not talking about my JEE preparations, but about other interruptions. The biggest of them was my selection as a KVPY fellow. That particular time span, I spent most of the time thinking whether I should opt for studies in basic sciences. That was now surely quite interesting. It would have been awesome, doing research in physics, the favorite subject of mine. “But I am a guy who hardly works for 3 hours a day, so choosing a career where I would have to dedicate bulk of my time was not a wise option”: I consoled myself. It affected my JEE a hell lot. It was one of the prime reasons I performed so miserably. First of all I was over-confident after my success at KVPY. Secondly I, to a little extent took JEE for granted for a short period of time. That mattered a lot, I would say.

But later I wanted to get into IITD at any cost. No matter what stream I had to chose, all I wanted was to get into IITD. Just because, it was the best possible option for graduation available to me. Interest: You gain interest in anything you do for some time, like writing blogs. During my preparation times, I also became philosopher. I used to spend a lot of time thinking, thinking about life, thinking about people, thinking about all good things that may happen to one, thinking about everything that may have mattered, thinking about everything that may not have mattered too. During this time I had gained interest in human psychology, which I still continue to pursue. (I mean the interest)

Now too I have quite a lot of options left. (By this I don’t mean that options like “Dropping out of college in 4th year without completing degree to harness your interests like photography which is shown in idiotic movies” stand any chances.) But I still may go on to become a professor, or might try my luck at civil services, or may be I might end up as an entrepreneur. Time will tell. The only thing I know is that I will leave it for the last moment (as I always do) to decide where I belong. All I know is that I will surely enjoy the path which I may end up following.