Just another day

What should I do? It’s 1AM on October 3. For others this might be just a date on the calendar. But for me, it’s the day I celebrate each year. Some people say, what’s so special about a birthday, it’s just a day to remind you that you are a year older. But shouldn't we be looking for the ways to celebrate, to enjoy, finding ways to be happy? Isn't that the reason we do everything, just to smile a little bit more? Well, that’s my take. I just love to be happy in all the little ways I can.

I was in a dilemma whether to go home or stay at hostel. Last year it was an altogether different kind of celebration that I was part of at hostel. It was sarcastic and funny but at the same time worth enjoying. This is my last year at IIT but I still preferred to be at home. Mom and Dad, and both my sweet sisters have always been the ones to be happier than I could be to celebrate the day. They were the ones who actually celebrated my presence in this world right from the day one.

I have some really good friends at hostel, some might not have been present ever to wish me though during last three years, but still they are the ones who made my stay so awesome. They can wait, may be next year will celebrate with them, will give a reason to meet and remember the old times. Sounding funny? No? I intended to be.

As the clock ticked to 12, I got the calls from the persons I love the most, almost simultaneously from Mini di and Viji di. Got wished by Riya for the first time as well, she tried last time too but somehow was not able to wish me. A call from Abhishek was to follow; Arpit was the next to call, then Ayush and a message from Shubhankar telling me not to sleep for another hour as he would call then. I’m assuming rest of my friends didn't have my alternate number and hence did not call. I wish I had a spare handset. Anyways Facebook notifications remind me I have some acquaintances too who are not as lazy as I am.

What will I do for the rest of the day? Probably will go out with mom and dad, have them buy me something as a gift. Obviously I still love to have them, what if I am a year older, something that happens every year. Then, may be, will go back to hostel or may be, will postpone it till the next morning. I won’t plan anything right now; I will simply do what I’ll feel like. That’s what I've been doing all this time. Now I had never thought I would be writing this non sense at least. I mean if anyone might be reading it, I bet no one might actually read till this point, might be wondering what I really wanted to say. Is it just to let you know that I was at home, or to thank people? Well I prefer other means to do so, now at least if not earlier, to do so. I just felt like writing and I won’t bother even editing it. Sometime you just do things.

I would take some resolutions for sure this year too, like, I will study more seriously, will take out some to actually play some sport, will read some good non-fiction, will sketch more often and most importantly will try to make a girlfriend. Kidding, of course, rather I am sure am going to carry this single status to my next birthday as well.

It all comes to one last thing, being happy. Some people want a big cake to be happy while lots of gifts are what some people wish for, some like to have a drink with friends while some just wan to go out and eat some good food, some like to spend time with their loved one while some like to spend time with their loved ones, some like to hear their phone ringing every other minute while some just like to sit alone in front of their computer screen and reply to all the Facebook wall posts. It’s all about what makes one happier. I got blessings from my parents, wishes from my sisters, calls from the close friends and spent half an hour writing this blog post. And I am happy.

A panoramic mystique

I had a dream last night. Well, that’s not something unique, I remember it even now, and well that is something that usually does not happen. In the dream I was walking in some dense forest. There was a slight hint of sunlight which made its way through the dense network of leaves. There was no trace of any human existence. I ran to find my way out. The creepy creatures hindered my way, I did not know the way out, and neither had I had any hope of surviving. But what did I want? What was I running from? What was my destination? Did I want to return to the life I was so far living, or did I want to see a whole new world.

I stopped by a brook, bent down to drink the clear water that was flowing very slowly. As I picked it up it turned into a dense glittering liquid. Astonished, I took a step back as the bright silver liquid found its way through my fingers. I was taken aback by whatever it was happening. Curiosity got me to have a closer look at the water. All I saw was a plain surface, replica of a mirror. A face looked back at me as I fixed my gaze where my reflection should have been, it looked familiar, as if I had seen it all my life. It looked exactly as I had wanted myself to be.

Trees grew thinner and the battle was being won by the bright sunlight that made the place shine like a giant mirror. All the vegetation was disappearing; the tiny creepy creatures were drowning in the hard surface of a long flawless mirror. The silver dense liquid flew out of the river to cover all the ground and solidify. I looked in all the directions, as far as I could. And nowhere could I find any sign of life, just a big minor which had engulfed my whole surrounding in a span of around ten seconds. I stood there staring at Sun which was now getting dimmer.

I was sitting in darkness. I could feel the giant mirror beneath me, fighting for its identity in absence of sunlight. I could not even see my silhouette in it. Over the time I had become habitual of living in solitude, but had never experienced such loneliness ever. I have my own world within myself where I am free to imagine whatever I like. But here I was in a world where there was no inside and no outside. There were no boundaries and no restrictions. There were no rules and no limits. I thought about my existence, was anyone aware of it or was I the only one? I thought about others, did I know anyone and even if I did were they just part of my imagination? Were they part of my inner world? But there was no inner world; there were no boundaries, no separations, and no classifications. I doubted my existence, I tried to find the mirror below my feet, I bent down to touch it, but it was gone.

I tried to feel my feet, but with what, I had no fingers, no hands, and no arms. I had no face, no head, and no brain. I closed my eyes which did not exist and flowed in the air that had never been there. Despite all this, I could feel. I could feel the eerie calmness that transformed into eternal peace as I accepted the reality. There was nothing to seek, nowhere to go to. I could feel the solitude which transformed into companionship provided by the darkness; the darkness which transformed into a heavenly light as I opened my light brown eyes. The mirror beneath my feet cracked to make way for the trees that had grown. The broken bits of mirror flowed back into the river. The water splashed on my face. The insects no longer looked creepy. The sunlight was warm and comforting as the Sun grew brighter and mightier.

I moved forward to look at my reflection in the water that had now become calm. There was me staring back, the person I had always known, with a slight grin on the face. It seems as if he wanted to say something, but was not ready to speak. The constant gaze was expressive enough. I grinned back at him, closed my eyes to open them and come back to the world I was familiar with. I woke up, with a message to decipher, the code had been cracked. I had a question as well as the answer.

Latched window and the closed door

I often look back at things, I often need some introspection to find out what I did right and what all went wrong. I listen to music, sometimes pass my time writing, rarely I would sketch something but most of the time I keep myself occupied thinking about all sorts of things, mostly related to myself in some direct sense. I'm not yet mature enough to qualify my actions appropriate or childlike. Before doing something even now at times I think very little, not weighing the consequences or what all my actions might translate into. Next month I'll turn 22 and I am yet to grow up.

I often walk to Abhinav's room to talk. In a way he is a lot different from any other friend I have here at college. Actually everyone is different, be it pseudo-intellectual talks with iSid or discussing about personal life with Ayush. Abhishek is always in a mood to tease while Siddharrth is always there to make me realize that there would always be people who are far lazier than I am. Aatish would walk past me while discussing what to do with our respective professional lives, while simply greeting others on my way to room is sufficient with most of my hostel mates.

Abhinav sometimes exaggerates way too much that things might appear impossible but in some ways he gives the hint of how things really are. We talk about all sorts of things and he leaves no chance to make me realize that I’m still away from the real world. Sarcastically I said that may be people still think that I’m not old enough to share some sorts of talks, he took less than a second to portray my statement as truth.

I often think, is it part of my nature, or the cloak of values and ethics that has led me to lead this life containing constraints I have set for myself. I often ask myself if my behavior is synonymous to the conservative attitude. I have, depending on the expectations of others, my own past experiences and also words of wisdom from people who matter have set some rules for me. There are certain things that I have decided would shape my life in a way I want.

I try my best to be good to everyone. Sometimes I do well, sometimes I fail too. But nonetheless, I try not to offend anyone in anyway. But acting well, at least to some people, is it always the right approach? I live a life which is very different from the people who are around me. I'm not someone who would crumble under peer pressure, but at some point in time, I’m bound to realize that may be my definition of happiness was not perfect. Should I have tried to change? Or am I the best the way I am? But what's the use of all these polite gestures when there's no one to appreciate. Should I be content with just my self appreciation? Or should I go with the flow of the times. There is a lot to answer. I'm yet to find them out. 

I’m different and I don’t like bragging about it. I don’t impose my thoughts on anyone and don’t expect them to do so either. So what exactly is the right way, the one I’m leading or the one which I could have? I see from a distance people enjoying different things, but I am always at a distance, prohibiting myself from all. Important thing is being aware of everything. And while talking with Abhinav, I always have come face to face with reality, though an exaggerated version, but I can always alter them to fit the possibilities that exist.

Whatever I say or write might not always make sense to you, the one who is reading it. I would not like to explain it either. But the interesting thing is, how you would interpret it. There are only a few people who would know what I mean, and that’s what makes it so exciting. So am looking at my inbox, may be I’ll get a message or two asking and clarifying. I’m waiting.

The helping hand

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her new Honda Civic and got out. His old car was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Rahul Mehra.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Rahul crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from Dehradoon and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Rahul just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Rahul never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Rahul added, “And think of me.”

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old petrol pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Rahul.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a thousand rupee note. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”

Under the napkin were nine more 1000 rupee notes.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due in a couple of month, it was going to be hard.

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Rahul Mehra.”

Together we win

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. But sometimes inspiration comes from people you don’t really expect would inspire you. And those are the ones that leave the deepest impact on you.

I was in 3^rd year of my graduation. The college had organized a sports meet and I was the member of student organizing team. IIT Delhi being a reputed college, the sports meet had to be a big event. As our side events, we decided to organize some events for physically disabled children from a nearby school. We thought it would be best to organize it along with the opening ceremony, otherwise gathering audience for the event would have been problem. Turned out that it was the best decision we took.

After the march past of all the participating colleges and a speech by our institute director, a 100 meter race was scheduled for the disabled kids. Nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line. All the college students were waiting eagerly for best march past award to be declared. The stadium was jam packed. We thought that it would turn out as an encouragement for the kids to perform in front of such a large audience.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All the participants slowly started running, the best they could do, except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, fell down and began to cry. The other eight heard him, slowed down and looked back. Every one of them stopped running, before any volunteer could reach the boy to assist him, they all went back to him. One girl with Down's syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better."

They slowly picked the boy up and consoled him. Then something happened that none of us really expected. All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes.

The aim of organizing the race was to give those little kids some confidence, but rather they taught us a lesson. There are things which matter more than winning. What truly matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course. They taught us all to win together.

Heads or Tails

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down. But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Rohan was tired of facing failures, from within he was broken. Eight months, since he graduated, yet to find a job. “Only if I had a better luck.” He said to himself.

Every day he would wake up and have the same schedule. Check e-mails, hoping for a positive reply, then checking mailbox outside his apartment. Getting fresh, eating cereals, looking for new job opportunities in classified section of four different newspapers. Going for lunch, in the nearby restaurant, ‘9-7-5’. Coming back, checking e-mails, then mails again. Posting new job applications, listen to songs, mostly by Nirvana or Evanescence, then wait for dinner, go to 9-7-5 again, coming back to home, lying in bed, watch television for some time, hoping for a better tomorrow.

He used to be very social, had lots of friends when he was in school. Literally everyone in college knew him. No one had ever thought he would be so isolated after passing out from the college. But things changed, he loathed it now when someone he knew would call him and show his/her concerns. The only people he talked to now were his mother who knew that the best way to tackle this situation would be to let him do whatever he wishes to do, his cousin Neha, who would regularly call him to talk about herself and Ishan, manager of 9-7-5 who was about the same age. Initially Rohan hated him, for he was always way too friendly than what a restaurant manager should be. But now he was one of his best friends. He still hates him though.

Ishan was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood, wearing a smile and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, well that would be a new species!" He was a unique manager because every employee he had was happy working under him, unlike what you usually have. The reason was his attitude. He was a natural motivator. Worried about anything? meet Ishan. Confused what to do? Meet Ishan. He always looked for positives no matter what the situation was. If an employee was having a bad day, Ishan was there telling him how to look on the positive side of the situation. He was the kind of person you could never imagine being worried about anything.

Well, Rohan could see that Ishan was completely opposite of what he was. Seeing this style really made Rohan curious, so one day he went up to Ishan and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Ishan replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Ishan, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," Rohan protested.

"Yes it is," Ishan said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

Rohan reflected on what Ishan said. Often after dinner, he would have a small chat with his new friend. He became more positive in his approach, performed better in job interviews and soon thereafter, he got a job offer from a multinational company in Bangalore. Obviously Ishan was the first to know. Rohan moved to Bangalore and soon lost touch with Ishan, but often thought about him when he made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, he heard that Ishan did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Ishan was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Ishan was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

Rohan saw Ishan about six months after the accident. When he asked him how he was, he replied, " If I were any better, well that would be a new species! Wanna see my scars?" Rohan declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Ishan replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" Rohan asked.

Ishan continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He's a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action. The Nurse asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Ishan lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. Rohan learned from him that every day one has the choice to live fully. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, one should remember to believe in himself and all one wants his life to be. Because the challenges and changes will only help one to find the goals that are meant to come true. Afterall, it’s your attitude that matters. As you know, you are the one to choose.

The Gift from Katie

Six minutes to six says the great round clock over my study desk.  There are still more than six hours before I turn twenty one. Every single time my birthday approaches, I’m forced to remember Katie.

Hi. My name is Harry. Sometimes I wish my life was as adventurous as Harry Potter’s was. But I am more than happy to live my more than ordinary life. Some people say I talk like old folks when I say life is all about being happy, but I don’t care. I have another half century to live and I’ll live it in the best way I can. And for me best way would be to see everyone smile.

Birthdays have always been the most exciting days of my life. I used to start waiting for January 20 from January 21 itself. As a young child I can always remember waking up and looking around myself for the biggest box. I always believed that within the biggest box lied the most expensive and best gift. What I dearly wanted as a birthday gift was wings, I dreamed to fly, fly above the clouds just like birds, fly so high that I could see what was beyond the blue sky and tell my mom that stars were not actually that far as she told me.

In life you always have such experiences that you can never forget, some haunt you for the lifetime while others become the sweet lovable and adorable memories. They shape your way of thinking and change your approach towards life. I didn’t know one such experience would be on my birthday, and it would have such an impact on me. It was Friday afternoon. I was happy; of course I was, as finally it was much awaited January the 20^th, my 11^th birthday. What a feeling it used to be to celebrate birthday in those days, no school uniform, distributing toffees, you could skip homework as teachers won’t punish you.

I had an awesome day so far. Mom had gifted me a Nintendo just as she promised as I woke up. I was walking back to my home, as I always used to do. I loved my way back home. The avenue was lined with dense oak trees. I loved the patterns of light formed on the road as light slithers past through the tiny slits between the leaves. Even though mom warned me not to, I used to play with the new born puppies that were always waiting for me to give them my sweets. Just in front of my house was the park where I grew up playing. The rare bright sun was so inviting that I could not resist going to the park. I gave my schoolbag to the maid housekeeper and went straight to the swing.

The park was empty. No one plays there on a Friday afternoon. In about two or three hours it would be completely filled with children playing football. There was no friend of mine there. Nevertheless, I marched towards the swing. A girl was sitting there. I walked to the swing beside her and sat, intentionally ignoring the crutches she was holding in her hands.

“Hi, I’m Harry.”

“Nice to meet you, Harry. I’m Katie”

“Pleased to meet you too. Do you live here? I’ve never seen you.”

“Yes, two blocks down the road. I don’t generally come to the park. Daddy brought me today, as I was not feeling well enough to go to school and was getting too much bored at home.”

“You know, whenever I’m sick I feel better because I don’t have to go to school. But today I would have gone even if I was sick, it’s my birthday.”

“Happy Birthday Harry! I think I might have a gift for you.”

She hesitantly moved down. She was walking very slowly holding tightly her crutches towards her bag and as was about to sit stumbled on the grass. I ran to her and asked if she was fine, she nodded with a smile.

“I’m really sorry.” I showed my concern.

 “You don’t worry, am used to it, happens a lot of time with me.”

“What happened to your legs?” I asked.

“Nothing much, doctor says, I’m a bit weak.”

“Oh! Are you suffering from some disease?”

“Hmmm, sort of.”

“Get well soon.”

“Thanks!”

As we continued our talk, I got to know her more. She said she was happy with her life. She didn’t regret being born with a disability as it made her special, she grinned and said, at least she was not like any other ordinary kid. I doubted whether she really meant so.  She said she was sure one day she too would play football. She said that if she would get an opportunity, she would dance better than Michael Jackson. She was sure that one day there would be a miracle that will bring her on her feet. “Being ordinary too isn’t that bad I think. Worth a shot!”

The two of us played for some time. We made sand castles and made really funny sounds which made us laugh real hard. We continued to talk about our friends. Time passed so fast. Then Katie's father came with a wheelchair to pick her up. I ran over to her father and asked if I could have just two more minutes. He agreed.

I said to Katie, " I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something that I want to do for you."

I told her to slide up onto my back. I then began to run across the grass. I ran faster, carrying the little Katie on my back. Faster and harder I ran across the park. Soon the wind just whistled across our faces. She stretched her arms wide and closed her eyes. My dream to fly was being fulfilled.

Katie's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little daughter flapping her arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice,

"Look Daddy, I'm flying!"

I dreamed of flying. May be I never would be able to, but through Katie, I soared high above in my sky of thoughts. I felt happier than ever. For the first time I was the reason for someone’s smile.

I ran towards my home. Went inside, fetched a few toffees and a couple of chocolates and gave it to her. By the time I returned she was ready with a card she made. It had just two words, “Thank You”. I waved her goodbye, as she went in her wheelchair with her father. I glanced at the card she gave me. Those two words meant a lot to me. I never met her again. I used to look for her each time I came back from school. But the swing was always empty.

Ever since then I try to put a smile on someone’s face every day. I start conversations in the elevators. I compliment strangers on their clothing. I even make jokes in a crowded Delhi Metro. People may think I am stupid, but I know there is a chance that I’m making someone’s day, who may one day give me a note that says, “Thank you”.