I know it now.

One thing that I have realized lately, and am happy to realize so is that, there is professionalism involved in everything that surrounds you. I do not condemn its existence but still, you definitely feel looted once you experience so. Most of you, in fact all of you, might be wondering why exactly am I behaving so awkwardly. Actually, my latest encounters with some of my friends have encouraged me to write so.

I have always valued friendship. I haven’t got a vast friend circle, as you all know very well, but yeah!! The people I call my friends are definitely close to me. I will call it my weakness that I am like an open book to my each and every one of you. (Obviously, I’m not expecting someone stranger reading this. I doubt whether my closest friends have interest in reading this either.) You probably know almost everything about me. My past (which is anyway boring enough to share), my likings, the things I dislike and also the people I like. :O And that indeed has cost me at fairly often. I always ignored it due to my “Let it happen” attitude. Though I now realize, things are not that simple, as they pretend to be. And knowing it, is what you call experience.

“I don’t think our friendship will continue the same way as it is going on now. I doubt we’ll even meet once our juniors take over.” I said to rheshabh during our club party. I regret it now. What impression had it left on each and every one of my fellow club representatives? Obviously, no one thinks that way, and even if someone does, he/she at least doesn’t share so. But I was a bit disturbed. More than that I regret I couldn’t enjoy one of my rare outings. At the back of my mind, there was always something going on. I guess, you people didn’t notice it. But I was under a real set back due to certain reasons.

The tide had to strike back the following afternoon as well. And I don’t think I need to mention anything further. Cause not even in my dreams am I expecting you to read it. The not so good part is, I didn’t expect you to act that much foolish. Whatever, it was your choice. But from now onwards, don’t expect much from my side.

So, conclusion: Your friends are just people who are with you for some reason. They want something out of you.
No way. I still withstand with my previous take. Friends are your second family. For someone like me, mum, dad, viji jiji, mini jiji are always going to mean the most. But yeah! My friends can always count on me as well. And this is my reply.

Seriously, I can’t justify why I actually wrote it. I have gone through some changes in this semester. Why? Even, I don’t know. But, I’m not the same. I’ve gone through some turmoil. But, I’m enjoying it. I’m not afraid to share anything now. May be that’s not good; as it may hit me back again. But I’m ready. My actions are more controlled now, for that sole reason only. I no longer wish to be Shaun Kurkait. I am Tarun Kaushik and I will have to remain Tarun Kaushik.


P. S. Messages

Mum, Dad: I love you. And you can trust me blindly, cause I know what you expect from me and I assure you, I’ll never let you down.

Viji jiji, Mini jiji: I’m missing you the most. You have been my best friends for sure and I mean it. I know, I can never, meet better people than you are, throughout the rest of my life.

Shubhankar, Snehil: I wish I still had you both by my side. Cause you two are the ones who have meant something to me.

Akash, Rishabh (With I and 1 H): Hello guys. Let’s meet some day.

Arpit, Pawan, Jay, Harsh, Dheeraj, Somya, Ankita, Avishek, Abhishek: Group 1 rocks. I can say so, after attending structures with Group 5.

Pravesh, Rheshabh (Without an I and with 3 H), Nilesh, Dilpreet, Sarneet, Shweta, Aditya, Ankur, Anmol, Pranjay, Rahul: I’m lucky to be part of ISC and be with such nice people.

Abhinav, Siddharth, Arpit, Abhishek, Abhishek,Dhruv, Ayush, Ravi, Aatish: Yaar, is sem main 1 baar to kuchh bada machana banta hai yaar.

Esha, Naman, Sonia, Shashank: I’m still single.

To all: Please, please, please comment kar do yaar, pata to chale kis kisne padha hai blog.

What To Do When Your ISP Is Down?

Every now and then out ISP seem to drop dead for no reason at all.I am a victim as I have BSNL broadband.So what to do? So, here comes the list for things to do during those unimaginable times.


• Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
• Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
• You mean there's something else to do?
• Steal WiFi from your neighbor.
• Play single player mode.
• Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
• Slit your wrists with broken AOL trial disks.
• Start talking to your girlfriend again.
• Call friends to see if their ISP is working.
• Create your own IM bot to converse with.
• Plot out your revenge for the ISP.
• Run in circles, screaming hysterically about the end of the world.
• Open up the ol' pinging .bat file!
• Take a shower and scrape off mold/fern from body.
• Go through your web cache to see if you missed anything.
• Switch to TV.
• Twiddle your thumbs.
• Go to the bathroom (of course!).
• Hang yourself with network cables.
• Load up the zsnes emulator and play chrono trigger and earthbound for hours.
• Smack your modem against the wall.
• Smash your head on the keyboard until it restores.
• Get a black rooster paint a pentacle with his blood and do some invocations.
• Go out to buy another pallet of Mountain Dew for the year ahead.
• Host a LAN game with hopes of people joining.
• Write your lists on paper.
• Bet on horses; wake up the gerbil.
• Go to Reliance World or Login to R-World.
• Pray to the Dark Gods that it will be fixed.
• Try dialing in every 10 minutes, just in case its back up.
• Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
• Dial 100.

What I want

"Karna hai... kya mujhko... ye maine... kab hai jana..."

I was watching Lakshya at Metropolitan Mall, Gurgaon. It was then that I realized that I too was confused about what I actually wanted to be. I realized that I shared similar characteristics as Hritik in that role had. (I didn’t have any girl though)

Well it all started way back when I was a kid. ( My inception in the world of careers was a little delayed then what was shown in 3 idiots, where mere a minute after the birth the chances of consulting a career counselor were forfeited) As every little kid possesses the dream to become an astronaut, I was no different. I dreamed to be on moon, as I knew of none other celestial body back then. I used to look at the dark sky and used to wander in my dreamy thoughts which eventually used to continue as dreams. At similar timeline my parents were happy to notice my calculating ability, as I remember and they remind me, that I used to multiply two numbers even before I joined the school.

The next phase came when I was about seven years old. We were in Kashmir that time. I had for the first time seen army people in my life. I was fascinated to see people carrying big guns, carrying different kind of gadgets and filled with the feeling of patriotism to which I was recently introduced then. I used to dream about (I have already confessed in my previous post about my ill-habit of day dreaming) how I single handedly tackled complete Pakistani army. The movie border did further more to boost my enthusiasm to join the Indian Defense Services.

When I was in 6th or 7th, I was introduced to Michael Jackson. (Obviously I had already known him, but had seen him so closely only then). I admired his dancing style as well as the way he used to sing. It was then I had decided I would definitely try my hands (, legs and whatever it takes) at dancing. The songs of backstreet boys used to hover in my mind 24x7 reminding me of yet another career option: Singing. Though I soon realized it was a bad idea given the fact that even I can’t bear my singings.

A year later I joined the cricket coaching classes, (and was even selected for City’s U-14 team for a while) to fulfill the dream which every Indian has dreamed of at least once. That is to represent India in cricket.
I used to dream about how I single handedly tackled complete Pakistan cricket team. Be it bowling, batting, fielding or any other possible department, I was best in all. I had even planned my first interview.  Hence you can say the extent or level of day dreaming had gained a decent standard by now.

The big turn-around crept in when I was in 9th I guess. I had got a new camera some time back then, so Photography was the prime career option then. I used to watch discovery channel for hours wondering how people managed to take close ups of wild animals. It was a big turn-around as this was the time my parents reminded me that I have to do something that involves a study. As they wouldn’t have allowed me to risk my career for any crap. So now was the big task. I had to decide my sub-stream; I was confused which way I actually wished to go. I decided to be with the flow and decide instantaneously at the right moment trusting on my instincts.

Passing class 10th was not at all an easy task. I don’t mean “passing exams”. I mean to say, I was flooded with more ideas of what I could be. By now I had become a movie freak, and hence I hoped that may be some day I would try my hand at bollywood. Yeah! I had to learn acting, dancing and blah blah blah , all that is required, but who cares. All you think is what you are interested in.  Meanwhile I had also assumed that I could drive my car better than any of my fellow buddies or may be anyone down the road. I hardly remember anyone overtaking me, provided I was alone in the car. So Formula 1 racer wasn’t a bad option after all. But my 3rd accident shattered my dreams to participate at Formula 1.( 1st one was when I was in 6th, a funny story indeed, will tell you when we have some spare time) It rather left me vehicle-less for about half an year. This was indeed the moment I had developed some liking for literature. I read some novels, then read more, then initiated what might have been another option that is writing a book. Though I haven’t yet completed even 10 pages but still I was definitely on the path.

Now I had to continue my schooling that is class 11. The big question: Mathematics or Biology. It took a long time for me to decide. I wanted to do engineering (If you take mathematics, seriously that’s the only option left) from IIT or I would rather think of some other stream afresh. While my mum wanted to finally see a doctor in the family of engineers. (She had failed to convince my sis too) So finally it was decided if I get admission in some good coaching institute, I would take math. Plus I had given entrance exam of only one coaching institute. (Well I’m like that only; this year too, I appeared only in JEE.) Rest is history.

Well don’t think the course ahead was a smooth one. I’m not talking about my JEE preparations, but about other interruptions. The biggest of them was my selection as a KVPY fellow. That particular time span, I spent most of the time thinking whether I should opt for studies in basic sciences. That was now surely quite interesting. It would have been awesome, doing research in physics, the favorite subject of mine. “But I am a guy who hardly works for 3 hours a day, so choosing a career where I would have to dedicate bulk of my time was not a wise option”: I consoled myself. It affected my JEE a hell lot. It was one of the prime reasons I performed so miserably. First of all I was over-confident after my success at KVPY. Secondly I, to a little extent took JEE for granted for a short period of time. That mattered a lot, I would say.

But later I wanted to get into IITD at any cost. No matter what stream I had to chose, all I wanted was to get into IITD. Just because, it was the best possible option for graduation available to me. Interest: You gain interest in anything you do for some time, like writing blogs. During my preparation times, I also became philosopher. I used to spend a lot of time thinking, thinking about life, thinking about people, thinking about all good things that may happen to one, thinking about everything that may have mattered, thinking about everything that may not have mattered too. During this time I had gained interest in human psychology, which I still continue to pursue. (I mean the interest)

Now too I have quite a lot of options left. (By this I don’t mean that options like “Dropping out of college in 4th year without completing degree to harness your interests like photography which is shown in idiotic movies” stand any chances.) But I still may go on to become a professor, or might try my luck at civil services, or may be I might end up as an entrepreneur. Time will tell. The only thing I know is that I will leave it for the last moment (as I always do) to decide where I belong. All I know is that I will surely enjoy the path which I may end up following.